Monday, November 30, 2015

Truth.


These guys are simply amazing...talk about having passion for what you do and the pursuit of excellence. Photos of our finished product to come....


Organized the pantry....Cathartic!



I love this photo and these bowl ideas. It's so simple to take some real ingredients and put it together for a fresh alternative to your normal meals. Runny egg and avocado is a perfect combo.

Markus in full skateboard action

And the Livy Loo


Tonight's post is about the truth. The truth in struggle and the spirit of putting it 'out there' versus  perpetuating the social media myths of perfection that seem to be the norm these days.

When I started the Macro experiment months ago, everything fell into place. Foods I had said no to for years were suddenly 'ok' and the guilt I associated with small cheats dissipated. I felt leaner and more comfortable in my skin than I had in as long as I could remember. Food was not an enemy, nutrition was not a struggle. Everything felt easy.

Initially when I fell face first into my injury, the macros seemed to help me stay grounded. Despite not being able to workout, much less move, I was able to stay sane by way of 'sticking to the numbers'. It was my saving grace.

Until now.

Suddenly I am struggling more than I could have imagined. Despite being able to be somewhat active and have some movement in my life again, I just can't seem to get back to that place of simplicity/ ease and non-striving. What started as an experiment with no expectations has now become a struggle where I am looking for a specific outcome and forcing the process as well as the result. Not only am I forcing the process but I am judging it all the way. There is little acceptance and absolutely no 'letting go'. I am death gripping my expectations.
 
There has been a great deal of anxiety for me the past two weeks about food and the lack of my routine. All of a sudden everything has caught up to me and the inability to workout freely, to experience the endorphine rush, to feel empowered, to be in control...it has been stripped away and now it has become very real. I have officially relinquished control.

In writing this I realize that it might sound very similar to other posts I have written. I am laughing a little to myself thinking about that notion. That everything is constant, that no one is ever completely 'cured' of their tendencies, that we all fall short and have our imperfections.

Perhaps I would like to think that with one step back I take two forward and that I am making my way 'ahead'. There is, of course, the chance that I am actually going in circles...and certainly the last two weeks has felt like just that.

I suppose in the end the reality is that we all best have something more than the photos we put up for the world to see, the weight on the scale, the number of veins or abs we have visible or the numbers in our performances.

For me, I am sure I will get back to a place where the food is not a battle and I don't hold myself hostage for eating an extra piece of bread or a few chocolate chips beyond the app's allotment. But I guess for the moment I will accept myself, imperfections and all.

For all of us there is a spectrum and moments in time...life is an ebb and flow. We have good days and bad days. We have weeks where our performance seems like it is on a never ending streak and we have days where we simply feel like we will never reach our 'best' again. No one is immune to these highs and lows. In the end, there is one way to digest them and make them more palatable, and that is acceptance:

"Remember, now is the only time you have for anything. You have to accept yourself as you are before you can really change. You choosing to do so becomes an act of self-compassion and intelligence".

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Personal Pledge.

I am committed to my beliefs.
I am committed to my values.
I will not waiver because my popularity is at stake.
I will do what is best for the program, the team, the greater good.
I will do what is right, not what is easy.
I will honor my commitments regardless of personal interference.
I will not stop the race because no one is cheering for me.
I will not put a pricetag on my soul, my values, my word.
I will hold a standard because quality matters.
I will surround myself with people who share high standards, expectations and the desire to be better.
I will be honest.
I will present the truth and not manipulate my image.
I will continue to inspire and change lives.
I will achieve.
I will not quit.
I will maintain humility at all times.
I will lead by example.
I will teach my children what it is to EARN, not just "be given" in this life.
I will respect mentors and peers who can teach me.
I will rest my head at night with no guilt, no regrets, and with peace in my heart.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Shadowboxing.


Perfect Scandinavian meal. Smoked salmon, scrambled eggs, homemade grain bread and organic sour cream.


First try at my aunt's Norwegian bread - Lots of whole grains, oats and seeds. Topped with some delicious ghee butter and a smear of local honey. Nothing quite like homemade bread...and something satisfying about food made entirely from scratch.

Clearly I've taken to baking as an outlet for my energy...this is a homemade apple crisp with pie crust made from scratch and local apples and the best quality butter to make the crumble on top. 

In the woods with the kids and Bill on Sunday - LOVE the family hike time and the chats/ sharing that happen out in nature.

 
Silly faces.


2+ weeks since my last workout and I'm still sane. Sort of.

I've been making good progress and I've accepted that this is not like 'the other times' when I was able to resume workouts because I feel better. I am doing better than expected with missing the feeling of a workout and the accelerated heart rate and endorphin rush. However, I am definitely struggling with how my body feels right now.

Of course I would be lying to say that I struggle with how my body is responding aesthetically to the lack of exercise and training. The lean state of my body previously was a reflection of hard work, effort and commitment. Now, it's started to wane and my abs don't reflect strength but rather softness and lack of stimulus. The notable "CrossFit" hamstring is less defined and flat, no longer present now as a result of the absence of squatting, sprinting and lifting. 

I am fighting hard to stay positive and hold my macro numbers despite a temptation to just throw in the towel because 'what's the point'. It's a strange notion that comes with injury that if you can't workout you might as well give up on everything. Clearly holding on to good nutrition would be paramount, but the emotional strain can cause some damage in the food arena. I will give myself credit for continuing to keep this area in line and be honest with myself (and the app!) when I have chosen to not care and eat in excess.

The biggest challenge, however, isn't the aesthetics or the missing of the workouts...it's truly the physiological affect not working out has on the body and spirit. I feel low on energy, my systems aren't as regular as they typically were, and my mood is cranky. I am grateful for this realization - now when I DO return to workouts I will appreciate that piece much more and how amazing the human body is. It is eye opening to experience how crucial movement is to our existence.

The lessons I am learning....I have been writing on this blog for some time now about 'perfection'. In many ways I feel that my back has been a true face to face challenge with giving up on the fight for perfection. It's stopping me in that quest. It's impossible and unnecessary. 

My hope is for this blog to be a place where I can be honest and shatter some of the perceptions we all carry about others. I look at other women's photos on Instagram and FB and they seem so 'perfect'. Perfect and happy. Beaming. They have it all together, whether that be their hair, style, mothering skills, workouts, PR's, jobs, and the list goes on. But here's the deal...they don't. No one does.

We all struggle. We are all faced with adversity and we are all faced with our own personal monsters at some point. That isn't meant to give us relief in the fact that others suffer or to take comfort in others' imperfections, but it's meant to allow us to stop measuring and competing. The truth is that we are shadowboxing. So, take off the gloves, put them away, and smile knowing you will never be perfect but you can still be great.